Are Your Coping Strategies Actually Helping?

Most of us don’t walk around thinking, These are my coping strategies.
They’re just things we do.

You have a stressful day and reach for something that lowers the intensity.  It could be a drink. Maybe it’s work, a workout, or your phone.  Or staying busy long enough that you don’t have to sit with what’s underneath.

If it takes the edge off, even briefly, of course you keep doing it.

The harder question is what happens after.

Some strategies leave you feeling more grounded.  Others bring short-term relief but leave you more reactive or reaching for them again tomorrow.  Over time, they can affect your health, your relationships, and your sense of yourself.  They might even pull you further from the version of yourself you’re trying to become.

That tension is usually the clue.

The Behavior Isn’t the Whole Story

Coping isn’t automatically healthy or unhealthy.  What matters is what it does over time.

Exercise can reduce stress and improve sleep.  It can also become the only way you know how to manage anxiety.  Working late can create focus and structure.  It can also keep you from being alone with your thoughts. 

A drink in the evening might soften the day.  It might also make the next morning harder.

The behavior itself isn’t the whole picture.  The pattern around it is.

If you feel unsettled when you can’t use a certain strategy, pause there.  If slowing down feels almost impossible without it, that tells you something.  When relief starts turning into reliance, it’s worth getting curious about what’s underneath, especially if you’ve noticed patterns that don’t fully make sense in the present.

When Coping Becomes Automatic

For many adults with trauma histories, coping patterns developed early and quickly.  Staying busy.  Staying agreeable.  Numbing out.  Pushing through.

At one point, those responses helped.  They reduced conflict, made unpredictable environments more manageable, and kept you functioning.

But what worked then can start to feel limiting now.

You may be doing well on paper and still feel tense most of the time.  You may look capable and still feel worn down underneath, without fully realizing how much effort it takes to keep that up.

That quiet strain is often what brings people to therapy.

What Shifting Actually Looks Like

Shifting doesn’t mean removing everything that brings relief.  It’s less about taking things away and more about expanding your range.

When your mind and body feel more settled, you don’t need any one behavior to bring you back to calm.  You can tolerate discomfort without immediately trying to override it.  You can pause long enough to choose how you respond.

That flexibility is usually what people are hoping for, even if they don’t describe it that way.

If trauma is part of your story and you feel like you’re coping just to get by, trauma therapy for adults in Bryn Mawr and throughout Pennsylvania and Delaware may help you build that flexibility without losing the parts of you that learned how to survive.

Working With SJS Counseling Services

If trauma is part of your story and you feel like you’re coping just to get by, working with a trauma therapist can help you build steadier regulation and more choice in how you respond.

I offer virtual trauma therapy for adults in Bryn Mawr and across Pennsylvania and Delaware, with a focus on acute, chronic, complex, and generational trauma.

Our work begins by building regulation and a stronger sense of internal safety.  Processing unfolds gradually at a pace that feels sustainable for you, using approaches that may include EMDR, parts work, somatic therapy, and mindfulness-based tools.

If you’d like to explore whether this feels like the right fit, you’re welcome to schedule a free 15-minute consultation to talk through what’s been feeling stuck and what you’re hoping will shift.

Disclaimer: Although I am a licensed mental health therapist, I am not your therapist. The information shared in this post is for educational and informational purposes only and does not constitute therapy, medical advice, or the establishment of a therapeutic relationship. Reading this content does not replace working with a licensed professional who is familiar with your individual situation.

If you are experiencing a mental health emergency, please call or text 988, contact your local crisis response unit, or go to your nearest emergency department.